Pustulations and pain relief.

Had to go into hospital today, had this massive lump under my armpit, no doubt some stupid infection I picked up as a result of Junky-dom.  The people at the Hospital treated me quite well until they saw my history and decided I was just in for Pain Relief, apparently a lot of smack addicts feign injuries so they can get a hit from the Doctor.

Truth of the matter is this was probably a Staph infection (Staphylococcus aureus or golden staph) which is a bacterium, frequently living on the skin or in the nose of a healthy person, that can cause illnesses ranging from minor skin infections (such as pimples, boils, and cellulitis) and abscesses, to life-threatening diseases such as pneumonia, meningitis, endocarditis and septicemia.

At any rate, they would not treat me so I self medicated.  Had double my normal dose of smack, half a pack of over the counter pain meds, and tried to drain it with a syringe.  It was impossible to drain, so I ended up putting up with excruciating pain for the next couple of days until it finally burst.

It is highly probable that proper care and filtration would have avoided this, lesson learnt!

Death of the best friend a man could hope for

Today my best friend died.  I died too, I was lucky though, they got to me in time.

This had not been the first time for either of us, I had 'dropped' once before and my friend had three times before, twice with me, I saved him those times, but could not this time.  'Dropping' is a funny thing, the first time you do it it puts you off for a while, but after the WD's kick in you figure stuff it, I will be more careful next time, then eventually you think you are hard enough to handle a bigger dose or you get too confident and over you go again.

Final separation - all downhill now

We separated for reasons I will delve into later, nothing to do with drugs, we had just both changed and were heading in differing directions in life.

This did prove to be the final undoing however.  Here I mark the point of when my addiction began, the true addiction, only weeks after this event my future was sealed.

A Third Child

Nuff said...

Return to Family

This is about the time I am confronted with a letter explaining how sorry etc she was of all of what happened, and that she wanted me back etc. 
Foolish me, agrees.

Once you accept the apology of your partner, moving on is a must, if you cant forget and forgive then you must also move on and be ready to face the consequences. It will take time, maybe even faster but everybody needs to move on. It is a process in a thing called life. Things are not always what we expect it to be, so happy are those who haven’t experience it, otherwise you should live by it. We can emerge a better person after all what we have been through.

I accepted it fully, I may have not been able to sleep everytime she was late home, or something came up, but the important thing is I never once told her, I trusted her again eventually.

It is besides the point, life was now perfect again, I had my family, the void was filled, I had no use for drugs anymore - so I thought...

7 months of drug addled-ness

After the split, I did not really take things to well at all.  I drank, not much surprisingly.  My choice was mainly hallucinogens, uppers, and the like.  I am fairly sure I did not touch smack at all during this period.  Probably because we did not know anyone to get it from.  The length of this post reflects the quality of my memories for this time. 

I will post up recollctions as they come, I have flashes from this period occasionally.

I stopped in August when I got back with my family, that darn void again, maybe that is what I need now - something to fill it with (moment of clarity???)

The worst kind of decision

You see my forgiveness was surplus to requirements...  She had followed her heart, which may well have been true.  Where did that leave me?

Choices; move out, or stay around and sit by whilst she dated this low life ex-con mongrel fucker.  What choices are they?  I could not move immediately had I wanted to, by the same token I needed to be around to prevent this fool from having anything to do with the kids.

So I stay, after what seemed like weeks of being able to hear them 'do it' through the paper thin walls, I had gone mad, the choice had become leave or be charged with Murder.  So I left, a weak shell of a man unable to fend off predators, no wonder my fate was sealed in such fashion.

I want to make it perfectly clear I assign no blame to the Woman concerned regarding my habbit, it was my choice to fill a void not hers, she may have provided the void - I filled it.