Sunday, August 9, 1998

My Introduction to Heroin

I am not one who subscribes to peer pressure, I made my choices, they were what I perceived to be at the time informed choices.  Any intimation that I in someway blame any of the individuals within this post for any of my decisions is perceived only by the reader, and most certainly not intended to be conveyed by the author.

My self and a couple of friends had been collecting a close friend from Prison, he had been a heroin addict prior to his incarceration, at the time of the incarceration I would have been 15 or so.  My two friends that knew this person we were collecting had also both had earlier Heroin Addictions, they had both subsequently kicked their individual habits, this as is often the case was mainly due to the fact that he was the only place they could actually get it from.  Heroin is a drug that seems to have a majority hold via temptation, once the temptation is removed it is not as hard as some may suggest to stop yourself from craving it, it is rather when you know that you can access it that you crave it.  This was a subtlety that I clearly did not fully grasp at the time.

After we had collected our friend, his immediate need was to 'get on', subtly I did notice my two other friends who had seemingly kicked their habits starting to 'twitch' or crave the fix.  After a few hours of this it was decided that we would go and collect a small amount to see how it went, at that point I was hell bent on not having any.  Some years prior to this, my knowledge of the addictions of my friends had caused me to turn my back on them (something I now know to be the worst thing I could have done).  I had got back in touch with them a year or so after their habits were broken, and we happened across each other and managed to patch things up.

I watched on, somewhat apprehensively as they 'shot up', one of them said to me "why don't you have a little on a cone (marijuana), it will do hardly anything, just make you feel like you've had many cones", he said.  The closest of my two friends, hell bent against the idea for-bey me to do so, so we went to the party and the night went on.  A little later the friend with they initial suggestion, approached me and made the suggestion again.  I have a great dislike for alcohol being used as an excuse for any for of behaviour that one claims to be out of their norm, and for that matter I don't being pissed changed all that much, I would like to think I would have said no had I been sober, but the reality is somewhat different.  I had watched them earlier 'shooting up' and the effect it had on them, I had tried most other drugs at this point and though, 'yeah I can handle it', I decided to have a 'snow cone' (a cone of weed with Heroin sprinkled on top), about two hours later I had a needle hanging out my arm and the rest as they say is history.

And for the next 12 years I would ask my self, why did I not listen to my best friend, he knew what would happen, he had been down the road - he cared, and I just ignored his concerns and love and did it anyway.  Now the price is paid.